Before every race I have ever run, I have had running nightmares. Basically, they usually include me, in a race, completely screwing it up. For example, I could be racing with inappropriate footwear (boots, flip flops, slippers) to not wearing any footwear (barefeet) Or, I could have missed the beginning of the race due to unforeseen events ( sleeping in, car accident, getting lost) or, getting lost during the race, and never finding the finish line. My favourite dream is when I am running and suddenly I am confronted with a large obstacle ( an ocean, a building( that requires me to scale it ) or a maze with never ending hallways). In any case, each nightmare is just a variation of me not being able to finish what I started. I usually have these dreams the week or so before the race. This time, they are happening 3 weeks before. This means, my subconscious is worried two weeks ahead of schedule! I think that it is because I am headed into the "dreaded" taper. Today, I finished the longest training run before race day. Next week I will be running less, followed by another week of running even less. It seems that my subconscious pays attention to my running schedule, and thus disturbs my sleep with seemingly endless anxiety dreams.
Why is this taper so dreaded? One would think that running less kilometers would be a good thing. Less kilometers means less muscle soreness, less chaffing and more time with my family, which seems to me, are all good things! However, like many things in life, the simplest explanation is not always the best one. Human beings are complicated.
I haven't done a marathon taper before, but I imagine it is something like a 1/2 marathon taper, only longer. It is during the taper that all seeds of doubt start. Did I train right? How I am going to finish the race, when I am tired after doing a long slow pace? Then, typically, I start to feel some impending injury.( Does my knee hurt? I think I feel something in my thigh. Or, I think my throat is sore, am I getting the flu?) And now that I am attempting to finish a 42 kilometer race after only training up to 32 kilometers ( actually 33 today...small detour due to a nice, big black bear in our way), I am trying to figure out how I am going to do 10 more kilometers on race day. Remember when I talked about the conversation I have with myself when I am running? One side of my brain thinks positively, while the other side holds negative thoughts. It seems that this is the point in my training when the negative thoughts take over. ( Are you freaking kidding me? I am supposed to do 10 more kilometers on mental strength? I can't even finish a race in my dreams!!!!!)
Now before you all start thinking that I am completely mentally unstable and in need of professional help, I would like to inform you that I am not alone. In fact, Runners World ran an article that spoke about this very thing. They called it "taper madness." And, if you google "taper psychosis" you will find pages and pages of articles and blogs about how runners go a little crazy during the taper. In fact, a blogger ( Run Jump Blog) made his own meme about it and called the condition "Maranoia":
Another article I found online that speaks about "taper psychosis" is Fellrnr. They say that when a runner's belief during the taper part of the training does not match the reality of their situation,they are experiencing "taper psychosis." For example, it is common for a runner to feel slow and lethargic while tapering. They also say that many new aches and pains occur during the taper period. Short runs seem unexpectedly tough and feelings of doubt and uncertainty can be overwhelming.
I think it is pretty clear that I have Maranoia, and I think my subconscious knew it before I did.
But, good news! While there is no cure for Maranoia (and it is only temporary), there is also lots of advice on how to deal with it. Everything from talking to others, using relaxing techniques, getting massages ( I like this one) to just telling yourself that it is "normal. are ways to make the "dreaded" taper easier.
In spite of all the crazy messages my subconscious sent me this week, I had a good week of training, Every challenge ( even the fake ones I have in my dreams) helped me prepare and feel stronger. I have heard it said that the journey is the reward, and when I look back at all my blog posts, I really feel that this entire journey, from the beginning weeks to race day, will be the reward. Running a marathon is not just one day. It is hundreds of kilometers and hours of mental tests. So whatever mental tests I will have to endure to get this job done, I am ready. Take that Maranoia!.
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